Beth

November 15, 2000

Hi Mrs. Lois,

I am 7 year old. I like to play outside. I went to write a story about my Dad. My dad is special because he takes care of me and he loves me. I'm a daddy's girl.

Your friend,
Beth Niblett

Mrs. Szymanski's reply

November 20, 2000

Hello Beth,

It was nice getting to read your letter! Do you still like to play outside now that it is so cold? I wish summer could last forever!

I think it is wonderful that you love your Daddy and you want to write about him. Being a Daddy's Girl is special. What is your dad like? Is he short or tall, clean shaven or bearded, dark haired, or light? Is he funny or serious? What does he like to do and what kind of things do you do together? Don't forget to describe him in your story.

What kind of story do you want to write about your dad? Is there something specail you did together that you want to tell your readers about? Have you gone on an adventure together? Does he tell funny stories that you can share? Has he helped you through a hard or special time in your life? These are the questions you will ask yourself as you decide what to write about your dad.

Next, you will have to decide where your story should take place. Will it be at home, or away from home? Will it be at school or church or on vacation? Whatever you decide, I know your dad will love it!

You have a head start on your story because you already know who it will be about. Now you get to develop the story and write it down and that will be so much fun. I will be waiting to read what you write. I know it will be special because you are writing about something you know and love and it will come from your heart. That already makes your story special!

Your friend,
Lois Szymanski

Beth's second letter to Mrs. Szymanski

December 11, 2000

Dear Mrs. Lois,

Thank you for your information. My daddy has black hair and he is medium height. He has a moustache. He is funny and serious. We like to go to breakfast together. My story is going to be funny. It is going to be a little bit true and a little funny. My mom is going to be away and my dad and I are going to be on vacation together.

Your friend,
Beth

Mrs. Szymanski's second reply

December 18, 2000

Beth,

Your story is going to be great because it is about someone you love. Your description of your daddy is already good. I can picture him! Don't forget to also describe yourself in the story so that readers know what you look like too!

You have such a great start, but there are still a few questions you should ask yourself before you begin. Where will your story take place? You said that your setting will be on vacation, but where will that be? Have you been thinking about some of the funny things you and your dad do together? Have you thought about some of the funny things he says and does that you can add to your story to make if funny? Will you go to breakfast together in your story, just like you do in real life?

When you begin to plan your story think about some of the things that make up a good story. Every good story should begin with a question, or a problem. It should be something that makes the reader wonder what will happen next.

The middle of your story should have some action and help us get to know your characters well. This is where you can add even more description, and this is also where you will be able to develop the funny things. You can even make up some stuff if you want to make your story part truth and part fiction.

The end of your story is called the conclusion. This is where you make sure you have answered the question from the opening or, the beginning of the story. You can end with something really funny if you want. Some of the best stories end with someone saying, or doing something that makes the reader laugh outloud.

Whatever you decide to do, remember that it is your story and you can make it any way you like. Have fun writing it and it will be a fun story to read!

Have a wonderful holiday!
Your friend,

Lois Szymanski

Beth's third letter to Mrs. Szymanski

Dear Mrs. Syzmanski,

I'm working on my story. My story setting is in the woods. The main characters are my dad and I.

I'm in bed not a creature was stirring not even a mouse but I was twisting and turning and dreaming about hunting with my dad. My dad is shaking me. I wake up and he said, "Beth, let's go on a hunting trip." I got dressed quickly and quietly. I wore camouflage clothes and my orange vest. We went to dad's truck and went to the deer club. Then we went in the woods.

We climbed up a tree. Then we saw a bear with a pair of clubs. They both went up the tree.I said, "WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!" Daddy got an idea. The idea is don't panic! We've got safety belts on and that means that we can swing to the next tree. We swing to the next tree.The cubs yell for their mom. We got down from the tree.

My vaction is over and I told my mom that my dream came true.

Your Friend,
Beth

Mrs. Szymanski's third reply

Dear Beth,

What an exciting story you have begun! My heart was pounding when that bear came. You have an excellent setting established, you have your main characters, and a good hook! Now it is time to edit your story. Now you get to flesh it out, add details, and decide what changes you need to make. Even writers who write for a living write their story many times to get it right!

I love the way you started your story. You write very well. But you did change tenses a lot. That means that you wrote the story two ways. You began writing it in present tense,that means you wrote it as though the story is happening right now . An example is I'm in my bed. Then you began to write it in past tense. That means, as though you are telling a story that has already happened. An example is when you said, I wore... instead of saying I was wearing... You will have to make your story stay in present tense, or past tense, but not both. Your story is so good, you don't want to let the tense slow it down!

Stories are much easier to write in past tense, so you might want to make it all past tense. Like this:

I was in bed. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, but I was twisting and turning and dreaming about hunting with my dad. Then I felt my dad shaking me and I woke up.

"Beth, let's go on a hunting trip," he said.

I got dressed quickly and quietly. I wore camouflage clothes and my orange vest. We went to Dad's truck and went to the deer club. Then we went into the woods. We climbed up a tree. Then we saw a bear with a pair of cubs. They both came up the tree.

"What should we do?" I asked.
Daddy got an idea. The idea was don't panic! "We've got safety belts on and that means we can swing to the next tree!"

The cubs yelled for their mom. We got down from the tree.

See how the few words I made bold changed the story so you are telling the whole story as though it has already happened?

Here are some things you might think about adding to your story;

1. More description. I would love to know what your Dad looks like, what the woods look like and how it sounds deep in the woods. Is it quiet? Are birds chirping and fluttering about? Are the leaves rustling, or is it still? Do you hear the bears coming? Do they make any sounds? Could you see them coming up right behind you?
2. What does it feel llike when you swing to the tree next to you? Does the wind whoosh by? Are you afraid to look down? Do the leaves rush by? Does Dad hold you, or do you swing to the next tree alone? Do you land on a big branch and cling to the tree trunk, or do you land in a really safe spot?
3. What happens at the end? Do the bears see you climb down from the other tree? Do you run fast to get back to the truck? Is your heart pounding, or do you feel safe?

Happy writing... from your friend,
Lois Szymanski

Beth revised

Dear Mrs. Syzmanski,

Here is my rough draft.

Your Friend,
Beth Niblett

Friday night came and it was time for bed. Mom and Dad tucked me in. I said, "I love you." and I fell asleep. The house was quiet and not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. I was twisting and turning and dreaming about hunting with my dad. I love my daddy so much. He has brown hair. He is medium size.

My dad is shaking me. I wake up and he said, "Beth, let's go on a hunting trip." I got dressed quickly and quietly. I wore camouflage clothes and my orange vest. We went to dad's truck and went to the deer club. Then we went in the woods.

We climbed up a tree. Then we saw a bear with a pair of clubs. They both went up the tree.I said, "WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!" Daddy got an idea. The idea is don't panic! We've got safety belts on and that means that we can swing to the next tree. We swing to the next tree.The cubs yell for their mom. We got down from the tree.

My vacation is over and I told my mom that my dream came true.

Mrs. Szymanski replied

3/19

Hello Beth!

It's so pretty here today, with the sun shining and the couds drifting across the big blue sky. I sure hope it is pretty at your home too!

I still love your story. It's great to read a story about a girl who loves her dad and has an adventure to share! I have just a few suggestions to help you polish your story. Here they are.

1. Some of your story is still present tense, and some is past tense. That's a really hard thing to get right in a story and everyone always has trouble with it. A lot of times it is just using the word was instead of is.

   Here is a guide:

   Change-
   I was twisting and turning, and dreaming,
   to
   I twisted and turned, and dreamed....

   Change-
   My dad is shaking me. I wake up. He said, "...
   to
   My dad shook me and I work up. He said, "...

   Change-
   The idea is don't panic...
   to
   The idea was, "Don't panic!"

   We swing to the next tree. The cubs yell...
   to
   We swung to the next tree. The cubs yelled...

   Change-
   My vacation is over...
   to
   My vacation was over

   After you fix these spots your whole story will be written in past tense, which is how most storytellers tell a story.

2. To make your readers feel like they are a part of your story, you might want to add a few descriptive tags. For example, the reader would feel your surprise at being woken up if you added, All at once, my dad was shaking me. We would feel like we were in silent forest with you if you added, Quietly, we walked into the woods. Or you could make us feel like we are in the tree with you by saying, Far below, we saw a bear with a pair of cubs. It's amazing how just a few little words in place really add to the mood of the story! Maybe you will think of other places to add descriptive tags!

Warm Spring Wishes,
Lois Szymanski

Beth worked hard...

4/09

Dear Mrs. Syzmanski,

Here is my next draft. Am I finshed?

Your Friend,
Beth Niblett

Friday night came and it was time for bed. Mom and Dad tucked me in. I said, "I love you." and I fell asleep. The house was quiet and not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. I twisted and turned and dreamed about hunting with my dad. I love my daddy so much. He has brown hair. He is medium size.

All at once my dad was shaking me and I woke up and He said, "Beth, let's go on a hunting trip." I got dressed quickly and quietly. I wore camouflage clothes and my orange vest. We went to dad's truck and went to the deer club. Quietly we walked into the woods.

We climbed up a tree. Far below we saw a bear with a pair of clubs. They both went up the tree. I said, "WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!" Daddy got an idea. The idea was, "Don't panic!"

Dad said, "We've got safety belts on and that means that we can swing to the next tree." We swung to the next tree. The cubs yelled for their mom. We got down from the tree.

My vacation was over and I told my mom that my dream came true.

Mrs. Szymanski replied

4/11/01

Beth,

You have done such a wonderful job on your story! I am both excited and proud that I was able to watch your story grow through all the rewrites. Congratulations on finishing your story!

I am looking forward to seeing you in May!
:>)

Your Friend,
Lois Szymanski

Patti Weeg
pweeg@shore.intercom.net

April 8, 2001